A week after beating myself up for laziness, I find myself no more industrious. Perhaps some acceptance is in order.
I'm starting to see that a longer-term approach is necessary, especially for someone like me who goes through intense mood swings. I'm lucky to have someone with a similar temperament as a best friend and roommate. As Steve and I progress through our moods at different times, it allows a richer understanding of how moods affect our behaviors.
Perfectionism might be the most powerful foe I fight. With so much perceived free time and such lofty goals, I find myself wondering how I can't achieve more every day. Steve has the exact same issue. How can we not see what's right in front of our eyes, though? Our lives are amazing and we spend so much of them fretting over what we don't have. Gratitude is a goal in itself, and I'll be honest and say that I find it difficult.
Since the previous goalsetting session, I've recorded three things that I'm grateful for every day. The process of making it into a daily task has two primary consequences, though:
1. I WILL record three things I'm grateful for
2. I WILL find myself writing things I feel I SHOULD be grateful for when I'm really not feeling grateful at all
So a week later, I find myself in the same emotion with different words to describe it. Depression, apathy, lethargy, ungratefulness - these are my enemies. But how can they be beaten, or can they be beaten? Will daily tasks and chores lessen them? Can I "snap myself out" of these states by simply getting out of the house? Should I just wait for them to pass, remembering that moods are like storms?
Or should I finally just accept myself and my nature?